Getting lost in the moment
As earlier established, getting rid of everything you own is no small feat. It is exciting, overwhelming and somewhat sad. Lots of feelings are involved. The excitement of the new adventure ahead, the overwhelm of what gets the honour of staying with you, and, yes, the sadness of saying goodbye to memories.
That is the catch that got me. The memories. I enjoyed my many walks down memory lane. I generally don't hold onto too many things in the first place (a result of moving all the time), so the items I do pack and carry around are somewhat sacred. Memories of my mom and dad. Memories of my children. Memories of past loves. Memories, memories, memories (you get it).
What really "tripped me up" was the notion that none of these memories mattered to anyone but me. Would my children really care about all the report cards I saved since grade one? Do I really care about the few report cards, certificates from my mom who has passed? That's the tricky part about memories, they are very personal.
All these thoughts got me thinking about life. What is life? How do you sum up the experience? And, more importantly, what happens when you're gone? Here I was, cleaning up my life and thinking about what my children would see, feel, and think - like I was already a ghost. Eerie. But really, have you ever thought about it? What of you is left for others to explore and piece together? A life they saw but never really lived? We all have our public side and our private side. Whether that be thoughts or actions. What is life? Well, these questions run too deep for me to answer, but that's what I was thinking as I went through my life's memories.
So, back to downsizing. Where will I go from here? Now that I see what I see about life, I want to live more intentionally. I have actually been doing this for almost the last decade. I truly think about my legacy. The best I can do is leave my family with a sense of how much they were loved.
What was the overwhelming part? Definitely realizing that some, or even many, of these memorabilia had to go. That was overwhelming. Holding it in my heart. Feeling it. Then releasing it. Wow. It even sounds like a lot. Yes, overwhelming for sure.
The final part? (Yes, I did these backwards.) Excitement. Clearing and cleaning is damn exciting to me (the organizational tiger). Clearing away old memories leaves room for new ones to come in. As I ditched every photo and report card and keychain, I felt lighter. Those memories will always live inside of me. I don't really need anything to remind me of them, they are a part of me. But the stuff? That can go. Freedom. And to me, there is nothing more exciting than freedom.