Living in a Sensory Deprivation Tank

My Tin Box

Blacked out windows to protect against heat or privacy. Constant mind numbing, loud buzzing from air conditioner necessary to stop everything from melting. Vibrations (from air conditioner) so strong your whole body is incessantly pulsating. That’s three out of five senses (sight, sound, touch) that are deprived and overwhelmed as I live in this tin box. My cozy, comfy home on wheels.

My thoughts are filled with what’s out there (because I can’t see) and that makes my mind spiral and focus on all the fears (scorpions, black widow spiders, sand haboobs, tornadoes, thunder and lightning storms). My body is seeking stillness and comfort. It feels like I’m living in a sensory deprivation tank with no one and no thing to comfort my fears other than my mind. Why am I here?

Yes, this is the dark side of living in a small trailer in Arizona during its summer monsoon period. I have heard it gets much better in the winter - mild temperatures, clear skies, crisp evenings. But for now this is my understanding of hell. Too hot to go outside. Yes, it’s even too hot to swim! People go from one air conditioned situation to another. You can’t walk or enjoy outdoor activities unless it’s in the early dawn of the day (6 - 10 am). So much for the active life I was hoping to live down here - pickle ball, swimming, golf, walks. I’m still hopeful, though, that the next few weeks will reveal itself to be the heaven it is proposed to be (by all the other snowbirds).

Let’s talk cooking, yes, daily sustenance. It’s too hot to cook! I only have 30 amps of power and my propane is not turned on right now due to the heat. That means I have a 15 minute window to turn off my a/c and cook in my electric frying pan. If I want to have rice, I cook it in my little rice pot. Then unplug it, let it stay warm, run the a/c for a few minutes, then cook the meat and veggies. It’s chaos! I love to cook, but this puts a real damper on things. So, my diet is suffering, my exercise is suffering and my mind is suffering. Am I painting a perfect picture of snow birding? To be fair, it’s only October. Apparently, as stated above, the cooler weather will be arriving soon, and then I can start living. I’m not upset about my situation (because I’m so close to my daughter and grand-daughter) but it’s challenging.

So in these dark days I’ve really wondered why am I here (besides family)? What in my life brought me to sell everything and transport myself to this new world? I believe we create our own realities. So why did I create this?

Symbolism and Realization

I dove into it. I looked up the energetical symbolism of Phoenix. Yes, it never dawned on me - the Phoenix rises from the ashes. It is all about transformation. If you look up the metaphysical meaning of scorpions (my nemesis, and yes I’ve seen some - about two dozen!), they too are about transformation. I am here, devoid of senses, to transform myself. My mind was doing the heavy lifting by protecting itself by obsessing over threats it knows are not real as a way to avoid the real threat. That’s the gold. It’s not about the fears, it’s about what they are covering up. So what was/is my real threat? LONELINESS.

Yes, as adventurous and glamorous as this wild journey seems; it’s lonely. I wish I had someone to celebrate the highs and lows with. I love my independence, and I am great fun to be around (even when I’m alone), but it’s so nice to have someone to share those moments with. My mind, as protective as it is, ensures I don’t focus on that because I’m too focused on fears. Wow. That’s a startling awareness.

So now what? Well, once you see what you haven’t been able to see (or feel, or hear) it all becomes clear. My sensory deprivation tank did its job. It exposed the culprit that has been behind so many of my adventurous expeditions. In fact, there is another thread that has been unravelled, and that is ‘uprooting’. Why is it I am always making such grandiose changes in my life? Well, I wouldn’t want to give everything away in one sitting. So, dear readers, stay tuned for my future Inward Wanderings. It appears there is no clear road in life, just twisting, turning boulevards that lead us to our inner self. The place where we grow (hopefully) into our true purpose as we wander this earth. I look forward to the journey; I hope you do too!